There IS a difference...

There IS a difference between just knowing in your head a biblical truth than actually believing it and taking it to heart.

I've been praying for the past 2 days to ask God to show me if I should go to Medical School or not.

So the truths that I only knew??

1) I need to have total surrender,

2) I must have submission of my will to God's will and making them one,

3) God's will is always the best.

I wasn't exactly scared about what I was going to do after my degree (I have several backup plans). But then, I was kinda worried, I had wasted all my time in getting a degree at all, since my backup plans don't really need a degree! I did feel like I could be really upset, if God told me I wasn't to go to Medical school. I've been wanting to go to Med School for SO LONG!! And it's not like I want to go for the money, status, the "Dr." title before my name. I wanted to serve God with this degree and get an entrance into China. This is one of my biggest dreams!!

BUT ... do you see where I'm wrong? It's only what "I WANT." I'm not saying that dreams like that are bad... just they need to go where God puts them. If the dream fits in His plan, then great. If it doesn't, then still great. I needed to surrender up that dream of mine. It was a good dream, in and of itself. But do I want to try and build my dream without God's will in my life? NO - I'd rather all my dreams be dashed to smithereens, than live outside of the will of my Holy Father!! But how was I to know what His will was?

John 15:4a

Abide in Me, and I in you.

When I abide in my Father and He abides in me, our wills become one. For how can I abide in Him and still have my own will? I need His Holy Spirit to come down to me and lead me moment by moment. What He tells me to do, I do.

So this is what I told God last night,

"Abba - I'm stuck and You know where I'm at. I've sinned and not completely given my life up to you. I now surrender my future up into your hands, whether you have placed Medical School in it or not. If my life is to just work at home, do menial tasks, and fight your battles on the sidelines, I am willing to live fully whatever you have in store for me. Make my will concurrent with Yours, that I might see exactly what you want me to do. Let me truly realize what You plan is best, and that I would be satisfied with it."

AND afterwards - I felt this peace that everything was going to be alright... even though I still didn't know whether I was to go to Medical school or not. I wasn't terribly restless - wanting to get some huge sign from God that I was to attend Med School. No, God's answer was to wait. He gave me assurance that He would show me what to do when the time came... for now - I go on, striving in all I do to please Him.